Here I am again, home away from home, not quite a week after my birthday, about to have my 2nd experimental treatment.
I got my molecular genomics result today. Is anyone in the least bit surprised that I have no targetable genetic mutations? Anyone? Didn't think so. You are all familiar with my luck by now. I actually started laughing when the oncologist told me. She prescribed an antipsychotic, haloperidol, supposedly to help control nausea, but just quietly, more to control my emotional outbursts and deliriously unhinged laughter I suspect
We also had a discussion on philosophy in oncology. Apparently that's a thing. I have already pointed out how perspective changes, things that were important (eg, grudges, perceived wrongs, family feuds, etc) become completely irrelevant. Tolerance for bulldust becomes zero. Possessions become meaningless. It seems that this is quite common.
I live day by day, trying to enjoy the simplicity of the sun on my skin, or the smell of rubbing lemon verbena between my fingers, or the form of camellia flowers. Of course I try ignore what the possums and the rats trash. Vermin have their place in the Universe too.
Then there's also the feeling of curling up on the couch wrapped in a winter blanket, the taste and texture of food (when the nausea isn't playing up anyway) strolling in the park taking in the Autumn colours, wandering the aisles at Bunnings, I could go on but you get the idea.
A life free of all the garbage we overlay it with. It's so ... liberating. Acceptance of what is.